There’s plenty of resources out there if you know where to look. I will be covering much of this and more in the Happy Husbands Marvellous Marriages online group coaching. It is open to married men, unmarried men, engaged or simply wanna-be’s too.

Let me cover some of the basics here. The first thing to understand is that we are not fighting each other in any relationship. Particularly in one made up of two such diverse natures, that is male and female. Craig Hill, founder of the worldwide Marriage Ministries, suggests that what’s happening in marriage is like an analogy of a movie depicting the American Civil War where an independent arms dealer fired the first shot and then the two opposing sides retaliated. It was a third party causing the problems, just as in our marriage. We have an enemy that desires to bring this institution down, to undo the very fibre of society. When we understand that, it makes a big difference.

Then there’s the love and respect angle from Ephesians 5. Men are to love their wives and women are to respect their husbands. This plays a big part in filling the emotional love tanks of both male and female. Guys, you need to feel respected and admired in the way you care for your loved ones. However, women do not need this type of love. Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have researched the difference between men and women in marriage, which they have published in several books and here is a quick summary of what they suggest a woman needs to feel loved: She needs plenty of hugs to reassure her, to be seen and told she’s beautiful, to be listened to, to be heard without fixing, and to understand that she can’t shut down her emotions. The reason for this is because a woman’s brain has so much firing and wiring happening between the hemispheres, talking about her emotions helps her to process, compared to a male brain which compartmentalises and moves on.

Security for the family is big for her but she can see her husband’s efforts to provide and work long hours as prioritising work over her and this can be a big problem for many couples. She needs closeness, romance, time, and acknowledgement along with parental involvement. If he is unable to get work, his efforts to provide by looking for work will help her security levels.

Guys, I know that most of this doesn't come naturally, so you do have to work at it. You do need to put in some effort. But don’t give up. Your efforts now, will pay dividends in many ways (wink, wink) once your lady sees the efforts you are making for her.

I hope to see you at Happy Husbands.